


Love Me Today

by ButterfliesInMyStomach



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Deep feelings, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Feels, Forbidden Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Luisa is desperate, Roisa, Rose and Luisa - Freeform, True Love, little angsty, little sad, sort of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterfliesInMyStomach/pseuds/ButterfliesInMyStomach
Summary: "She could have sworn it was one of these moments in life when you just have to pick up something random and throw it against the wall, to only let the shards – of whatever it was that broke – remain. She wasn’t an angry person, don’t get her wrong, but she had some issues that could not be diminished by destroying everything and everyone innocent around her.Everyone. Everyone but her. Everyone but that one certain individual who – for some bewildering reason – seems to be so sure of her decisions one moment and the other she denies everything she claimed before. One day she comes storming through Luisa’s door, the other she sets up a wall around herself and tells her they can’t do this."Luisa has lost everything - her wife, her job, her sanity... All she has left is her but she won't admit to it. She won't tell Luisa she loves her. So one night as Luisa is on the verge of falling off the wagon she decides to confront her again."This night could either end in acceptance or flames. She wasn’t sure which one she was rooting for anymore."





	Love Me Today

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> I've been seeing this scenario in my head for so long that I decided to try and write it down. Not sure about it, it's kind of sad but it's Roisa - their love story is the greatest ever told, so it can't only be smut and fluff, right?  
> Anyway, thanks for reading and as usual I would love to know what you thought. Comment section is right below the text and my email is powdereddonuts0604@yahoo.com, feedback extremely welcome ;)
> 
> Love,  
> -H.  
> (PS! If you come across any grammar errors or something then please let me know, I'm trying to perfect my English :) )

A vicious drop of condensation rolled down the transparent surface of the poison that haunted her every day. It had nested into the back of her brain and whenever the sounding alarm of worry, regret or hurt surfaced, so did the poison. For nearly ten years she had been weakened by its touch, taste and comfort but she could feel she was getting better at looking away from the inviting liquid. She didn’t even have to look away, actually. She was strong enough to come across a bottle of her favorite spirit and leave it untouched. It was moments like these that made her feel in control of herself. Unfortunately for her, it was the _only_ possibility to feel that way nowadays. It was the bright side that made her realize everything was not lost even when it seemed so.

Her ears registered a nervous tapping on the table she was sitting behind, the table that held her worst enemy on its shoulders. She could have sworn it was one of these moments in life when you just have to pick up something random and throw it against the wall, to only let the shards – of whatever it was that broke – remain. She wasn’t an angry person, don’t get her wrong, but she had some issues that could not be diminished by destroying everything and everyone innocent around her.

 _Everyone_. Everyone but _her_. Everyone but that one certain individual who – for some bewildering reason – seems to be so sure of _her_ decisions one moment and the other _she_ denies everything _she_ claimed before. One day _she_ comes storming through Luisa’s door, the other _she_ sets up a wall around _herself_ and tells her they can’t do this.

Luisa knew the game they were playing was as dangerous as playing with fire. The flames of revelation had once very nearly burnt them but somehow, they hadn’t been scarred. No one had found out about their affair, though it had been a _remarkably_ close call. If Luisa had left just a couple seconds later, everything they knew now would have been turned upside down. Luisa would not be just sitting face to face with her temptation but earnestly pouring its contents down her throat. She would actually be throwing something against the wall, let it be her own stupidity or an empty bottle.

But it wouldn’t be just Luisa who would face the consequences. _She_ would too. _She_ would probably lose _her_ whole life, _her_ money, _her_ husband…

Husband. That word made bile rise in Luisa’s throat. What a _screwed-up_ family relationship they were having. _She_ was as much her step mother as had been the others before _her_. But they had not come nearly as close to being so beautiful, so witty, so strong, so… elegant as _she_ was. Luisa had never believed he could pick a woman to be his wife who would actually show any signs of intelligence. Turns out, he did. For once in her life, Luisa was glad about a decision he had made, yet at the same time she cursed the coincidence of the decision being one she herself had made just a night before becoming aware of his.

Similarly to her passion with liquid encouragement, she had not been able to help herself and that’s why they had started seeing each other. They would meet when he was out of town, they would make up excuses when he wasn’t. Every time they wouldn’t spare a minute of their time together, seizing the little moments they had. Time seemed to lose its meaning when _she_ was holding her, when _she_ was kissing her breath away, when _she_ was whispering into her ear about how much _she_ needed her. When they were together, it made sense, all of their feelings and how they fitted with each other so well. When they were together but not in that way, Luisa often wondered how they would actually work together if they stood a chance.

Something irritated her eyes as she furiously blinked it away. She wouldn’t touch that bottle today, she could manage it, she was in control. Or that was what she wanted to believe. She wanted to believe it so hard that for a second, the thought clouded a certain person on her mind.

‘You can’t leave me alone for one night,’ she mumbled as she reached for her phone, already seeing the number in her head. It rang thrice before _her_ voice sounded in the speaker.

‘ _Luisa_?’

‘Are you alone?’ she was already pulling on her jacket as she said these words, grabbed her keys and walked out the door to the elevator. ‘I need to see you.’

 _She_ answered and Luisa sighed with relief as she continued her ride down to ground floor, not daring to hang up just yet.

‘ _Are you alright?_ ’

Luisa could sense the worry in her tone, she could almost see _her_ clear blue eyes staring at her as _her_ mouth falls slightly agape. It’s what _she_ always does when Luisa falls off the wagon or she tells _her_ the three words _she_ has prohibited her to say. _I love you_.

‘I just… I’ll be over in five,’ Luisa knew she couldn’t get to the hotel that quickly but she was willing to try, for _her_.

‘ _Don’t speed, Luisa. I’ll still be here if it takes you ten more minutes.’_

 _She_ always knows what Luisa is thinking, _she_ gets her. Luisa hung up as she entered her car and roared the engine to life. It took her exactly seven minutes and forty-five seconds to drive from her house to the Marbella. Fortunately, Miami P.D. is not what you call working around the clock, so she drove to the front door without getting pulled up for speeding and tossed the key to the valet guy, Luisa herself nearly flying out the car to the lobby.

She made her way through all the people who were so irritatingly in her way. She didn’t even bother to excuse herself, she had someone to see.

She reached the elevator, leaving a trail of frowns and angry faces behind her. Her heart was suddenly racing, pounding out of her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was from the sprinting she had just done or from the nervousness _she_ always caused. It was funny how she still felt that trembling in her heart whenever she would see _her_. It had been a few years now but still _her_ presence made Luisa forget everything else. She felt like _she_ was her sun. _She_ had blinded Luisa and now all she could see was the darkness created by _her._ She couldn’t open her eyes to take in the brightness of _her_ rays, she could only hold her eyes closed and enjoy the warmth of _her_ shine.

It wasn’t that Luisa didn’t want to open her eyes. It was _her_ that wouldn’t let her. Each and every time Luisa managed to peek through, _she_ got upset and broke things off for a while, or sometimes even worse – _she_ would tell her _she_ could never feel this way for her.

Luisa didn’t understand why _she_ still kept coming back to her. Why did her phone ring a week after their break-up, _her_ voice sounding through the phone? Why did _she_ make love to her so affectionately when after _she_ would tell Luisa to leave, to hide their affair?

She observed as the floor numbers changed and the elevator ascended. _Three more floors_.

Her breathing was deep and uneven when she burst out of the elevator on the right floor. She could already feel a bitter lump in her throat as she arrived in front of _her_ door. She ran her fingers through her hair as she caught her breath. With butterflies in her stomach, she knocked. She knocked and waited, like she always did. She was never in control of anything when it came to _her_. Well, everything besides their time spent without clothes – then Luisa was _always_ in control.

The door flung open and there _she_ was, standing in _her_ usual proud posture in that unfairly dazzling black silk robe, falling around _her_ figure so perfectly. Luisa looked at _her_ , her light brown eyes wide with worry. She took her time to get used to the feeling that made her heart tremble. She inhaled soundly before stepping in, moving past _her_ without a word. _She_ softly shut the door and followed Luisa.

‘What’s wrong?’ _she_ asked as Luisa made herself home and fell onto the couch. ‘You sounded off.’

Luisa kicked off her shoes and cradled her knees into her arms. She stared out of the window as she gathered the courage to say what she wanted to say. This night could either end in acceptance or flames. She wasn’t sure which one she was rooting for anymore.

She took a deep breath before standing up too quickly, slightly stumbling as she did. _Wow, what a great way to start_.

‘Have you been drinking?’ _her_ eyes widened as _she_ gasped with worry. ‘Luisa…’

‘No, I haven’t,’ Luisa bit out. ‘I almost… It doesn’t matter.’

‘Of course it does! Why would you think it doesn’t?’

‘Because sometimes I feel like I don’t matter. Like I don’t matter _to you_ , Rose,’ Luisa bitterly replied, turning away from _her_ and walking to the window. It was dark outside but the city was so bright in all its lights, flashing before her eyes. There was a pink neon banner flickering on top of a cheap motel a few blocks away. It was bright, but Luisa liked it. She liked its boldness and forwardness.

‘You _do_ matter to me,’ Rose hesitantly draped her arms around Luisa’s waist and held her close.

Luisa shook herself free from _her_ embrace and turned around to look at _her_.

‘In what way exactly? Every time I try to kiss you – while not in bed – you turn away. Every time I want to hold your hand you push it aside. Every time I tell you I – ‘

‘Luisa, please, I’m _begging_ you, don’t say it,’ Luisa was pretty sure she could spot tears in Rose’s eyes as _her_ blue eyes glistened in the dimly lit room. ‘ _Please_.’

Luisa fixed her eyes with Rose’s as she weighed a thought. Suddenly, she flung to _her_ , locking her lips on _hers_ in a bruising kiss. She could feel Rose tense up and try to fight it at first but soon _she_ was biting Luisa’s upper lip, prying her mouth open. Luisa answered eagerly but tried to keep the kiss soft and intimate. So that’s how they stood there in the middle of the room – two people needing each other in more ways than one, trying to convince the other of their way.

Luisa cupped Rose’s face with her hand, stroking the pale freckled skin with her thumb. It was the most intimate touch Rose had ever let her lay on _her_. Luisa knew it wouldn’t last long after that. She was right and she didn’t know if she should have been happy about it or not as Rose pulled away.

Luisa desperately leaned in for another kiss again, trying to persuade Rose to be close to her, to be affectionate with her. Rose, however, wanted to deepen the kiss again, running her tongue over Luisa’s lips and running her hands lower on Luisa’s back.

Why did it always have to be sex that was the reason for them to be together? Why couldn’t they just sit on the couch while watching a cheesy romance movie? Why couldn’t they read books out loud to each other? Why couldn’t Luisa caress _her_ face? Why couldn’t they actually be together?

Suddenly, Luisa realized how stupid she had been all along. The realization hit her hard, tears started rolling down her face and she desperately pulled Rose’s face closer to her as shudders overtook her.

‘Why won’t you love me?’ she whispered between her whimpers, draping her arms around Rose’s neck. She felt her heart hurt and her stomach knot in an uncomfortable manner.

Rose broke their embrace as _she_ stepped away from the window, away from Luisa. _She_ looked mad.

‘No,’ was what passed _her_ lips as _she_ halted a few steps from the window, _her_ back turned to Luisa. ‘We are not doing this again, Luisa.’

She let her knees give out and slid to the floor, her back against the cool surface of the window. She turned her head to look at the neon sign again, to somehow gather courage from its blinking, its illumination. It wasn’t a new situation to them, they had been there countless times before. Luisa knew that, she knew they kept going around in circles. But that was the reason she didn’t give up. She truly believed that one day they would break the circle, _she_ would let Luisa in on her feelings. But now, Luisa wasn’t so sure anymore. She was afraid Rose had never loved her.

‘Please, Rose. I… I need to know. You owe me that much, that’s all I’m asking of you – an explanation,’ the look in her eyes had switched from desperate to empty. That’s what she was feeling – emptiness. If Rose didn’t love her, she would have nothing left. She had already lost everything else in her life, her job, her wife, her sanity…

Luisa could see _her_ shoulders rise and fall as _she_ took a breath. _She_ turned around, her face glistening in the pink light of the motel sign. _Her_ arms were crossed on _her_ chest and _her_ bottom lip was worriedly pulled between _her_ teeth. As broken as Luisa was, she was still having a hard time suppressing the urge to stand up and walk to _her_ to tuck a stray red curl behind _her_ ear and kiss _her_ worry away. To her luck, _she_ sat down next to her. _She_ found Luisa’s sad brown eyes with ease, trying to tell her something with _her_ gaze but Luisa couldn’t understand it.

Luisa carefully placed her hand on Rose’s cheek again, softly and tentatively running it up and down the pale skin in hot pink shade. This time, _she_ didn’t shy away, _she_ let Luisa touch _her_ with so much affection, Luisa thought it to be impossible.

 _She_ took a deep breath again before beginning to talk. ‘You remember how you told me the story about you crashing your father’s car when you were sixteen?’

Luisa smiled slightly to the memory of her and Rose lying on the beach a year ago. The only time they had really talked about themselves, their lives. While it still had been mostly Luisa doing the talking, she cherished the memory with all of her heart. She nodded and scooched closer to Rose, letting _her_ lean _her_ head on her shoulder.

‘You told me there are some things better left unsaid because if we do say them, they’ll destroy the lives we are supposed to have,’ _she_ sighed and nudged _her_ nose deeper into Luisa’s hair, deeply breathing in the smell. ‘This is something like that. It is better left unsaid.’

‘But I want to tell you. I want to say this to you every day, every hour, every minute, every second…,’ Luisa pressed her lips against _her_ head, lingering on the touch.

‘I know. But _I_ can’t tell you. Because I can never let myself feel that way about you and if I do say it, I’ll start feeling it. Then our lives, everything we’ve known so far, will be destroyed.’

‘No, they won’t. Our lives will be better because we have each other,’ Luisa tried again.

‘I can never do that, Luisa,’ _she_ said in a firm voice. _She_ pulled away and stood up, making _her_ way to the bedroom. Luisa sat still for a moment before jumping up and furiously following _her_.

‘You’re being ridiculous! Just tell me _you love me_!’ Luisa sadly exclaimed, a pleading look in her eyes as she stood on the doorstep.

Rose shot her a warning look and walked to the bed. _She_ picked up her brush from the night stand and gradually ran it through _her_ fiery hair. Luisa didn’t move. She stood frozen on the spot, staring at Rose. _She_ ignored her and just kept brushing _her_ curls. Eventually, _she_ put it back to its previous spot and turned to face Luisa.

‘I can’t, Luisa. I just… can’t let myself feel this way for you,’ _she_ exhaled, her eyes darting from Luisa’s lips to her glistening eyes. Luisa’s face turned into that hurt smile of hers as she took a few steps towards Rose.

‘Feelings are not something you can control. It’s not up to you if you have them or not. You can only choose to express them or not,’ she was merely an inch from Rose now. ‘I refuse to believe you don’t feel anything for me.’

‘I told you that you matter to me.’

‘I know. But matter and love have different meanings, Rose. Matter just means that I exist and you acknowledge that I do. Love… is what you and I have. I know you can feel it every time I do this,’ Luisa leaned closer and lost the distance between them. She pressed her lips softly against Rose’s, gently biting on _her_ lower lip while draping her arms around _her_ waist. She felt Rose placing _her_ hands on her face, subtly pulling her closer. Suddenly, _she_ broke all contact and leaned back.

‘Luisa,’ _she_ whispered, _her_ voice on the verge of breaking.

‘I know you can feel it because if I put my hand here,’ Luisa gently placed her palm above Rose’s heart. ‘I can feel your heart beat for me. It’s the same way my heart beats when you’re around.’

‘You don’t deserve to be loved by me, Luisa. You deserve someone who can love you all the time, not just when we’re alone,’ Rose looked deep into her eyes as _she_ removed Luisa’s hand from _herself_.

Luisa went silent and just stared. She just stared at the most beautiful woman she had ever met, the most intelligent person she had ever had the chance to speak with and the most incredible individual in all ways possible. She took _her_ hand – although _she_ tried to avoid it – and squeezed it softly.

‘I’m happy with any kind of love you give me. I don’t care if you can’t love me tomorrow at dinner or in a week at the golf club. I care if on the inside you love me. I care if you love me now. If that’s all you can afford right now, then love me now. Love me today,’ Luisa begged as she brushed her lips against Rose’s. _She_ shuddered and the next thing Luisa knew, she was lying on the bed, her back pressed against the mattress and _she_ hovering above her, gazing which could only be described as _lovingly_ into her eyes.

‘I love you,’ Rose breathed, brushing a stray strand of hair from Luisa’s face. They dived into a slow but searing kiss, sealing their feelings into a contract only they were aware of. Their love was a secret and it was something they both had to understand if they wanted to continue playing that game of theirs. Luisa sighed and breathed Rose’s name as _she_ lowered _her_ head to the spot above Luisa’s heart.

‘I love you,’ _she_ whispered, kissing just above the source of the beats resonating from Luisa’s chest. It was the first time they actually _made love_ in its whole extent, leaving both of them wordless for a while. When Luisa regained her voice she softly murmured into Rose’s ear. ‘I love you too.’

They lay there in each other’s arms, imagining what their lives would look like if their love wouldn’t be limited for short periods but an everlasting glow. Luisa looked out of the window and admired the pink light coming from the neon sign. She had finally been able to open her eyes to the brightness of _hers_. She had finally seen her sun. Although, she would have to close her eyes again tomorrow, she grasped at any chance to open her eyes to see _her_.


End file.
